4. Cat Penises
This one has happened twice now, and holy sh*t is it funny. Usually it happens while their grooming or if they’re horny and decide to hump a blanket or something, and anyway their little red rocket makes a surprise appearance. Apparently if you do not know this, it’s f**king shocking and terrifying. “What is that”, “It doesn’t look normal” “HIS PENIS IS BLEEDING WHAT IS HAPPENING” “But I thought you cut it off when he got fixed”. For real though.
5. The Neighbors
This one is kind of sad and weird. One of our clients is losing their mind a little bit, and they have a small dog. Well she brings the dog in all the time because the owner is convinced that her neighbors (shadowy figures with no face) are futzing around with her dog’s penis while she’s gone and that the dog has severe anxiety from it. The dog is fine and is really sweet, but oh my god.
6. Kids And Pigeons: Where The F**k Do They Get Them?
Kids mean well, but goddammit guys where are you grabbing them? I understand when they have broken wings and sh*t but the number of times they just walk in with a bird and are like “Hey look what I got, do something with it” and just leave is weird. The notable and exciting day for everyone was when some kids nabbed a bird, brought it to us and it happened to be tagged by a local pigeon racing group (they exist?). Some old dudes in a truck showed up about 4 hours later all excited like little girls. It’s apparently the farthest one of their birds has been tracked flying. There was also a budgie once brought in by the bird children, it got adopted.
7. Food Market Dog: The Dog That Bit His Owner’s Face
Bless them, there are these rescue organizations that either seize or purchase food market dogs and get them adopted out overseas to live out “normal lives”. Now don’t get me wrong they do A LOT of good work and many of the animals are genuinely saved. Some are so deeply broken that they cannot function as a pet in any sense. This dog HATEd to get touched by literally anybody, it was extremely flighty and bitey, genuinely aggressive towards most people, and it came in to get vaccinated. That’s it. Okay…fine. So we hand the owner a muzzle and that’s when the guy goes “Oh no, I can’t put that on her”. She’s a snarling drooling mess the entire time we’re in there, positioned in way that she’s ready to lunge at us at a moments notice. She’s the size of a Shepherd, probably somekind of Akita mix thing, whatever. Anyway that’s when the guy tells us that “he’s scared to” because she once bit him so in the face that he had a hole in his palate into his f**king sinuses. He had to have reconstructive surgery. Dumbfounded it took a moment to tell the guy that he needs to go home, there was no f**king way. It’s the only time we’ve ever done that.
